Forever more

Here I sit alone and wasted, my only friend the low and debased.

A sloppy rhyme, or a choice in pronunciation?

Enunciation, and anguish, a bitter pill that rolls down that hill in front of you faster than your imagination will allow you to tumble after it. The thought that you need more than you have haunts your existence. You plead with your environment and try and try to understand what it is you should be doing. There is no clear path in front of you and yet you are forced by your environment or peers to accept the decisions you make in an inane effort to get ahead. Ahead of what you can not see, but you feel inadequate you feel unease, your legs tremble and you know that once you stop moving the world will lurch and everything you've worked for will vomit out of you and leave you an empty husk confused and bewildered by the forest in front of you.

And so we go. We do not pass it though and we do not collect the skeletons we leave in everyone's closets. We undermine each others' dreams and we ignore perhaps to our peril the benefits that come from embracing a community as a whole.

Many will stifle and argue that they are just and pure. While they actively engage in a dance they may or may not be aware of. However they are individuals and as such they bare responsibility for their life and the awareness within it.

Guilt is a heavy thing. Apathy is like a perfect cone you put over your self with the point above you constantly protecting you, but also actively piercing the weight of responsibility and letting it fall around you. We do a great job of keeping our chins high and not letting the layers of, well it goes by many names, but let's use detriment. Layers and layers of wasted opportunities first spread below you and far away as the bottom of the cone is wide. Some people flounder with their chins so high for so long they become consumed by the force and the cone becomes like a sluice in a bathroom sink and their mind like the drain all the waste will flow into. It may not be guilt that drowns these victims, as fate plays fickle games and success can be very fragile.

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It has been a few months since I've posted and this I believe was the correct course of action. It seems to me blogs for most people are like journals that they use to recount some recent piece of life experience. Sometimes for monetary gain, sometimes to keep in touch with family or friends, sometimes to meet like minded people and sometimes to help others. My decision was to explore thought honestly. My life may be as interesting or less than others, it may or may not include fanciful facts that people may or may not want to hear. However as ego driven as this may seem, I want to build on a framework of observations of the both the Human mind and the conditions of society as we move through very tumultuous times.

Saturation in fair measure. I can't even conjure a clear argument with myself most days and tend to bat at my friends like a wet leaf in the wind held just far enough away not to stick, but noisy and frustrating.What benefit then would ramble be without a fair amount air between the gusts?

Can I actually accomplish what it is I force myself to strive for. I live a hypocritical existence not fully able to commit to a complete removal from the safety net I was cultured in.

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In the game related world, I am excited to see what will come with the release of the UDK. I have some big ideas I've been toying with for a while and I'm curious to explore moving to a stand-alone package.